When I find something I love, I love it with my whole being. And Schitt’s Creek is one of those shows that I will never stop watching or quoting. Because pretty much every single line is delicious! If you like fruit wine like Moira likes fruit wine… then this list of perfect Schitt’s Creek quotes to live by was made for you! Schitt’s Creek Seson 6 comes to Netflix in 2020. You can also download free Schitt’s Creek coloring pages here.
Best Wishes and Warmest Regards! 34 Perfect Schitt’s Creek Quotes
You can watch Schitt’s Creek on Netflix or buy it on Amazon (affiliate link).
And here’s a guide to watching Season 6 of Schitt’s Creek in case you can’t wait for Netflix.
David Rose Quotes
1. I like the wine and not the label, does that make sense?
2. I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.
3. It’s my turn to take a selfish.
4. Would we call that pretentious…or timeless?
5. I’m sorry that I just know what looks correct. And this situation is not correct! Toilet plungers on display at the front of a store is incorrect! Breath mints where the lip balms should be. Not correct! These mountaineering shoes that my boyfriend is wearing, looking like Oprah on a Thanksgiving Day hike, incorrect.
6. Fall off a bridge, please.
7. Okay, I’m sorry I’m not a condom.
8. I will not feel shame about the mall pretzels.
9. That is quite possibly one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard anyone say outside of the Downton Christmas special.
10. Mmm…Eat Glass!
11. Are these 24-karat? It’s a yes! Yes! I love you!
Alexis Rose Quotes
12. Eww, David.
13. You know what, David, you get murdered first for once.
14. I didn’t go missing, David. The FBI knew where I was the entire time.
15. I walk through life in really nice shoes.
16. I once passed off a mini horse and three guinea pigs as service animals so anything is possible.
17. Every time I did that with a boyfriend, I’d send him off with someone who like wasn’t a threat. Like, Pippa Middleton or Rihanna.
18. Hide your diamonds, hide your exes…I’m a little bit Alexis.
Johnny Rose Quotes
19. Tweet us on Facebook!
20. And just so you’re aware, this has nothing to do with me not knowing my way around a grill. I’ve watched many a personal chef flip a burger in my day.
21. Welcome. Hope you’re enjoying the cinnamon buns and vodka. We thought it was festive in a Scandinavian sort of way.
22. You better remember which nails you pulled those wigs from because your mother keeps a spreadsheet.
23. Well, it’s always a thrill to experience a collection of nude photographs with a…new friend.
24. The rabbi used to call me Popeye.
25. Well, David, these kids of parties take time and planning. Now, when I planned that Casablanca-themed party for your mother’s 40th, I had to quarantine the camels for a month.
Moira Rose Quotes
26. Fold in the cheese!
27. This wine is awful. Get me another glass.
28. You are blind to reality and for that I am most proud.
29. Then allow me to offer you some advice. Take a thousand naked pictures of yourself now. You may currently think “oh, I’m too spooky” or “nobody wants to see these tiny boobies” but, believe me, one day you will look at those photos with much kinder eyes and say “dear god, I was a beautiful thing.”
30. David, stop acting like a disgruntled pelican.
31. If airplane safety videos have taught me anything, David, it’s that a mother puts her own mask on first.
32. Our director appears to be on a kamikaze mission to sink this ship, and I refuse to be the goddess on its prow!
33. Sadly it’s not custom this time around, Alexis. Mommy had to shop off the rack. Fortunately, I discovered something called a promo code.
34. Is ‘tests’ code for ‘open-heart surgery’? You can tell me, I once played a nurse on M.A.S.H.
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Patty Holliday is a Marvel loving, Disney obsessed wife, and mother of four. She’s a travel agent specializing in Disney & Universal vacations- and loves a candid confession. Find her in Virginia (or anywhere frequent flyer miles or her trusty minivan takes her.)