I know there is a fun “runfessions” link up that happens on the last Friday of every month.
I missed it- or I guess I’m jumping ahead for April.
Hey- I’m early for something! First time for everything, right?
So here it goes.
RunFession From the Dark Side
Gah- I’m so weak. Here we go again, talking about my mental issues. But until I get my shiz together, it’s going to be a topic I revisit.
Mentally running is such a challenge for me. You guys know this, and I certainly hope I don’t try to sound like a runner who has it all together. Cause, yeah, that’s the wrong blog, my friends!
RunFession: deferring the Star Wars dark side challenge tempted me Tuesday afternoon. Big time temptation.
Don’t worry BRF Alicia- I didn’t do it!
I clicked through the zillion screens to get to the part where you actually “sign on the dotted line” and quickly closed the screen.
Why? What’s wrong? Is there some underlying injury you haven’t mentioned? Some family crisis come up?
It’s all that mental BS that seems to flood my brain. And the springtime is the WORST for it. Last year I took a break from running at this time.
This year, I’ve taken a break from running.
Not on purpose.
For various reasons, at this point, I’m just not feeling this race.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m feeling a visit to Walt Disney World! Duh. And you know my love of Star Wars runs 12 parsecs deep.
But the actual running of 19.3 miles sounds rather, well, evil right about now.
My excuses (and yep, I recognize they are excuses) include:
- The weather. It’s going to be sooo hot and humid. I’m from Arizona, so this is a real problem. I own my whining on this one. I crumble with humidity, so I’m already all doom and gloom over here. But hey, it’s Florida. What are you going to do?
- The course. I hated the Wine and Dine course- and basically, we are doing it in reverse. And I get to do it twice (10K and a half). Bah.
- A change of medication. It’s making me tired all the time. My body is starting to get used to it, and I’m feeling better this week, but for the past three weeks I’ve slept 11-12 hours a day. Take a moment and digest that. A Mom. Sleeping 11-12 hours a day. That, my friends, is just not normal.
- I find my lack of training disturbing. See the medication/napping concern above and tell me how I also got in long runs. Yeah. I didn’t.
My last long run was a month ago, and it was all right. Not my best, not my worst.
I’m not completely effed here, but I’m running out of time to make up the ground. At best I’ll survive. And worst, I get swept. Neither sound like the race I want to run, you know what I’m saying?
The smart thing to do is to let this one go.
But I didn’t defer. And I’m not going to.
- I don’t want to be in this same position next year of running in hot as Hades April. This is a one and done race for me, so trying to reschedule for next year doesn’t sound appealing.
- I don’t want to waste the money by not going. That’s just stupid. But so is not training, so hey, there’s that.
- I’m traveling with a friend I haven’t seen in a very long time. I gotta hug that neck! And I talked her into racing her first half in two years, so you know, I kinda owe it to her to be there.
- I can complete the miles. I know I can. It’s just not the race I wanted it to be. Yes, I’m tired of hearing myself say that, too. But I can do it, so I should just do it. Embrace the Nike-ness of it and all that.
- My marathoning badass friend Yanni will be there. 8-weeks post major surgery. If she can rock it out and face the miles, I can STFU, right?
It’s not going to be fun. I mean, it will be fun because it’s always fun with friends. I would have hung up my Hokas a long time ago if it wasn’t.
But the race itself? Nope, that’s going to suck, and I’ve got no one to blame but myself for that one.
You know what they say, runfession is good for the soul. Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, I’m putting on my big girl runner panties, and heading out the door.
I’m down, but not out, and I’ve got a Dark Side to defeat.
How do you work through the blips in training? Mental and physical tips are welcome!
Patty Holliday is a Marvel loving, Disney obsessed wife, and mother of four. She’s a travel agent specializing in Disney & Universal vacations- and loves a candid confession. Find her in Virginia (or anywhere frequent flyer miles or her trusty minivan takes her.)